Review:: Relationship Secrets w/ Kevin Carr

  I recently attended an event that was intended to educate the female population regarding the secrets that dwell within men that us women Just Don’t Understand!  Facilitated by Kevin Carr himself, author of If Men are Dogs, then Women Hold the Leash (ifmenaredogs.com), there was a panel that offered various perspectives on relationships from “The Bachelor”, “The Committed Guy”, & “The Married Man”, along with what unintentionally became “The Educated Angry Black Woman.”  There were some key takeaways from the event but there were also some thought provoking discussions that couldn’t all fit in the hour session.  Instead of engaging in the room wide discussion, 2 girlfriends and I sat listening, thinking, soaking in what was being said while snickering our responses to one another. 

The discussion started off with a bang, Why won’t Men Commit?
The Mic was immediately passed right on down to “The Bachelor” where he gave relationships as a euphemism for yet another full time job. As if he couldn’t possibly put in 40 hours at the office and time with a significant other; I guess that’s just too much to ask nowadays. *sideEye*   With the lack of commitment until “men get their sh*t together” It seems as if men can’t compartmentalize the obligations of love life versus career.  Although it should be viewed as 2 totally separate entities  The other panelist, including KevCarr, provided some more meaningful insight with respect to men “just needing time to get where they want to be” aka men having to get their shit together.  

Ladies, Long story short – that’s just an excuse.  The panel dropped some knowledge that a man will be with you regardless of his circumstances.  As a successful woman (I define success as: career, degrees, owns car & home), I as well as other girlfriends find it more and more challenging to find someone who is compatible comparable.  The chemistry could be there and both parties could be equally into each other; but the same standards that a man wants, he is also intimidated by—which leaves a significant number of educated and career driven women in their lonesome.   What is a woman to do?  Hide her accomplishments so a man doesn’t feel belittled? Or be proud of who she is and what she has accomplished and hope that she doesn’t intimidate a potential mate?  Or sit and wait until her “I think he might be Mr. Right” comes around to commit to her?


 Another interesting question for the panel arose, Should individuals should share their “body-count”, or number of sexual partners, with each other when establishing a relationship?
It was quite intriguing to hear a man (The Committed Guy) reference that if a woman had more than 5 sexual partners than that was way too many.  This created a reaction with the audience of “Is this guy serious?”  Furthermore, there were comments made that from his Pre-Wife days, “The Married Man” admitted that some of his sexual encounters were not emotionally bonding with this reference to Vacays in Miami. (If anyone over the age of 21 been to Miami for Memorial Weekend or Spring Break knows what this man is referring to.. naked bodies & temptations everywhere.)  I digress.  But honestly, if this man was serious about 5 partners being too many then, Who does he think that these men out here are sleeping with?  As much as men objectify women, act and say they want to “hit it n quit it”, it seemed like the general consensus of the crowd was that his 5 person limit was rather prude.  Do we as women accept a man who has a significant amount of partners because he was a player, while women are required to have as few as partners as possible?  That math isn’t adding up. 

During the discussion of should the info be revealed or not, a girlfriend of mine leans over and said “That shit is just a sign of insecurity.”  But I never quite thought of it that way.  In my head, the body-count was a factor of an individual’s sexual promiscuity; to determine if he or she was a “Hoe.”  (YES I said HE.. male whores do exist!) As “The Educated Angry Black Woman” began to express her point of view I began to see this issue in a different light.  That number is personal and shouldn’t be disclosed.  The most significant part of asking that question is an issue that could be dealt with the NOW… Knowing one’s status with STDs and HIV are far more important to a relationship whether a man or woman; regardless of the aforementioned body-count.  God only gives us ONE body and ONE life to live, so being responsible with it is KEY!  

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