“People say mind over matter
But I don't mind what they say
And it don't matter
But I don't mind what they say
And it don't matter
This here celibacy thing
Is working on me...”
Is working on me...”
-Jill Scott
“When I first heard it I’m like ‘ooh so she knows how the hellz I feel! Glad I’m not alone’..lol”
- Anonymous (In reference to song lyrics)
Single life offers so much freedom! When it comes down to it, you really only have yourself to worry about. The “get up and go” lifestyle suits me. Not having to answer to anyone but myself is exhilarating but I also know all of my decisions, good or bad, ultimately have to be blamed on me. However, there are fair shares of “difficulties” that become added stresses as part of the single life.
I am far from one to judge another based on their lifestyle choices (Hey live, love, get it on, keep ‘em on the chase, dive right in, keep your walls higher than a maximum security prison…whatever makes you happy). But there comes a time when responsibility and thoughts of your future start to take over and smart choices today become the foundation for what you will have in life tomorrow. SEX, or the lack of it, is one of those decisions today that could totally affect the outcome of your future.
The decision to be sexually active should be one taken with care, and not driven solely by hormonal insanity (Most of you should be able to relate). Not only is sex an emotional experience but it can be a potentially dangerous physical experience. So why is it so fun? Am I right?
With African Americans being the front runners for the number of incidence of HIV infections in the U.S.
You always hear generic figures thrown out in conversation about how deeply affected the community is. But seeing the numbers for myself, literally, made me sick to my stomach. Why is it that almost half of all cases are accounted for by members of the community with which I identify? More than that, why did it take a dry spell for me to really research the benefits of staying sexually inactive?
Mind you, I wrap it up and get tested like I’m a hypochondriac (Despite any objections, knowing really is a beautiful thing)! I’m disease free and proud of that fact. But I’ve lucked out! If we’re being honest, yeah I’ve slipped up and thought “It’s ok. We got tested together and he’s fine” only to find out that he was fine at the time that he was tested and subsequently decided to lay down with the greater Tri-State area after the fact. So risks are always there and maybe even you have lucked out too!
The point of it all?
Next time I feel that this “celibacy thing is working on me,” I will think to myself is a temporary pleasure worth a lifetime, maybe even a shortened lifetime? What if that condom breaks? What if he gets a nose bleed or has an open cut that I don’t see in the dark? Blood could get anywhere (I know I sound paranoid but at least it’s for a good cause, right?) I mean if I were to randomly pull 100 African Americans, 46 of them would be infected with HIV. That doesn’t even measure other communicable diseases. Of those 46 people, I can’t be confident that I would be choosing an unaffected person, considering, of those 100 people, the likelihood that all 100 have been recently tested and know their status is even more diminished. Don’t believe me? A study performed by the CDC in 2010 showed that 67 percent of African American men didn’t even know they were infected until after they were offered tests. I digress…
Sooooo Ladies and Gents, maybe instead of searching for a quick let off, maybe you should just sit back and get acquainted with yourself. After researching what I have, you can be confident that you won’t be the only single, free, frustrated, horny one out there.
Signed,
Single, Free, Frustrated, and Horny