After continuously contemplating the desperate life long question “Why Am I Single?” I decided to do some interpersonal soul searching that helps me answer this question. Many black woman are on that proud kick; come on ya’, you know what I’m talking bout, that “I got a car, crib, college degree, no kids. I’m Miss I N D E P E N D E N T.” I was guilty of such actions, and still am to a certain extent, but at the end of the day… all those things don’t warm my sheets or keep me cuddled up at night.
Realizing that being apart of the “Aint too proud to beg” movement wasn’t going to get me very far in the dating scene, I took a step back and dug deeper within. On the surface, similar to many women, I have a lot going for myself… College Degree, Engineer, started working in Corporate American by the time I was 21, own Car, and Casa --> translation “I Got IT Goin Onnnn!!” But after talking, dating, jonesin’, boolovin’ and still being single I had to question myself…. “Or Do I?”
Initially questioning oneself can be quite the task… “I got it goin on, don’t I??” It’s not necessarily the self accomplishments that make a woman attractive. While obtaining goals shows determination, personal strength, and ambition, much more is needed to develop and allow a relationship to foster. Specifically, is she and the *like-interest* aligned with each other? Is one of you family oriented while the other wants to climb the corporate ladder? Does one partner seek marriage and children while the other does not? Do you both have the same faith practices (religion)? The most crucial question of all before diving head over heels for someone is to determine if the relationship at hand is more for casual dating or are both parties seeking monogamy and a long term relationship?
Looking further on a more interpersonal level, what are the qualities that I have that may not be attractive to men? Do I have patience? Am I a hot head? Am I able to verbalize my feelings? To what extent am I willing to change to make this relationship work? Case in point, some women are ready to drop it all for a guy. Conforming their entire entity and be the girl that will chase them down, show the attention that men need. *clears throat* && this is where the problem sets in. Nowadays, women are just as busy and ambitious as any man trying to be the CEO of a company… so chasing and conforming to him isn’t going to happen. But there must be some type of balance!
So ladies, the next time you are ready to go IN on a dude saying "I Got IT Goin ON" take 2 seconds to sit back and reflect on your total package. Beauty is only skin deep, Accomplishments are only temporary until new goals are set, but your Character will last you a life time.....
So ladies, the next time you are ready to go IN on a dude saying "I Got IT Goin ON" take 2 seconds to sit back and reflect on your total package. Beauty is only skin deep, Accomplishments are only temporary until new goals are set, but your Character will last you a life time.....