Shawty got it goin ON ….. Or does She??

After continuously contemplating the desperate life long question “Why Am I Single?” I decided to do some interpersonal soul searching that helps me answer this question.  Many black woman are on that proud kick; come on ya’, you know what I’m talking bout, that “I got a car, crib, college degree, no kids. I’m Miss I N D E P E N D E N T.”  I was guilty of such actions, and still am to a certain extent, but at the end of the day… all those things don’t warm my sheets or keep me cuddled up at night.
            Realizing that being apart of the “Aint too proud to beg” movement wasn’t going to get me very far in the dating scene, I took a step back and dug deeper within.  On the surface, similar to many women, I have a lot going for myself… College Degree, Engineer, started working in Corporate American by the time I was 21, own Car, and Casa -->  translation “I Got IT Goin Onnnn!!” But after talking, dating, jonesin’, boolovin’ and still being single I had to question myself….   “Or Do I?”
            Initially questioning oneself can be quite the task… “I got it goin on, don’t I??”  It’s not necessarily the self accomplishments that make a woman attractive.  While obtaining goals shows determination, personal strength, and ambition, much more is needed to develop and allow a relationship to foster.  Specifically, is she and the *like-interest* aligned with each other? Is one of you family oriented while the other wants to climb the corporate ladder? Does one partner seek marriage and children while the other does not?  Do you both have the same faith practices (religion)?  The most crucial question of all before diving head over heels for someone is to determine if the relationship at hand is more for casual dating or are both parties seeking monogamy and a long term relationship?
            Looking further on a more interpersonal level, what are the qualities that I have that may not be attractive to men?  Do I have patience? Am I a hot head? Am I able to verbalize my feelings?  To what extent am I willing to change to make this relationship work?  Case in point, some women are ready to drop it all for a guy.  Conforming their entire entity and be the girl that will chase them down, show the attention that men need. *clears throat* && this is where the problem sets in.  Nowadays, women are just as busy and ambitious as any man trying to be the CEO of a company… so chasing and conforming to him isn’t going to happen.    But there must be some type of balance!
       So ladies, the next time you are ready to go IN on a dude saying "I Got IT Goin ON"  take 2 seconds to sit back and reflect on your total package.  Beauty is only skin deep, Accomplishments are only temporary until new goals are set, but your Character will last you a life time.....

Beauty's only skin deep...and we've barely scratched the surface

Constantly under scrutiny by family, friends, images in the media, co-workers, significant others…it’s a wonder how anyone would be able to honestly say that they have never received any negative feedback about the way they look.  Pressure to be the perfect size, shape and have curves in all the right places is not only impossible to achieve but exhausting to think about. Last time I checked perfection was unattainable but, for some, it seems to be the driving force behind crash diets, plastic surgery,  exhausting work outs that are dangerous and unhealthy , and  a general “you name it, I’ll try it” mentality all in the quest to achieve the unachievable. After many <3 to <3 discussions with some of my closest gal pals, the general feeling is we all have flaws but why not just praise the assets?

And by assets, that’s not limited to the physical. Because let’s face it, looks fade. And no one wants to be that girl. The one that everyone knows got through life based solely on looks and sex appeal. The one who is now washed up desperately seeking the acclaim that “she’s still got it.” Instead let’s focus on being whole beings, inside and out, including realistic and healthy images of ourselves and understanding every single unique characteristic and trait makes us…well, us.

One of my friends, in particular, is, by all definitions of the phrase, a knock out. She’s got an amazing figure, a beautiful face, a great head on her shoulders but an even better heart. However, she seems to suffer from “pretty girl syndrome…” You know what I’m talking about. That girl that so many others envy but when she looks in the mirror, all she sees is a flaw. Yep, that disease. So I sat her down just to ask her a few ?’s and by the end, I think we’ve not only cured the cancer but I may have created a monster *laughs quietly to myself*  The series of questioning began as “what’s your greatest asset?” quickly enveloping into “name the positives about your body” leading into her response “well I’m really just a plain Jane.” So I pointed out, most plain Jane’s I’ve ever talked to don’t describe themselves with such a healthy body image (i.e. big boobs, nice butt, small waist, full lips, and beautiful brown eyes) but the fact that she said that her heart was her greatest asset makes her that much more a beautiful person than any physical characteristic ever would.

Interview after interview, with countless women, some good friends, some random strangers (who didn’t run screaming from me) assets seem to be, in the mind of the young, something physical. Assets to those with life experience, my “fine wines,” as I so affectionately refer to them as, extend beyond the mirror and touch the values and character of who “we” are. The things that are important, the things that matter, the things no freak accident could disfigure or anyone could say you don’t look good in. Sooooo….the point of it all??

If you have drawn nothing else from this, take this away from today’s session…the person we are on the inside will always trump the person we look like on the outside. Hands down. Period. So maybe less time applying the Mac© lip gloss and a little more time giving back to your community, helping the next generation of young girls see the “pretty girl” in high school is NOT the only thing you can be…

So next time you’re asked what’s your greatest asset, what will you say

Listen to His Body ???

Communication plays a large role in our day to day activities.  It can make or break any relationship; whether its work, personal, or sexual.  Some people truly believe that what they say is an honest representation of how they feel.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but science thinks otherwise.  Here's some fun facts for me to paint you a picture with:

>> Out of Feelings and Attitudes
*7% is spoken.
*38% is paralinguistic (the way that the words are said).
*55% is body language (including facial expressions)


Ok, so its looking like words dont mean crap when it comes to dealing with someone... But all of these "Communication Antics" contributes to the ungodly notorious SHADED.GREY.AREA. that we all try to avoid when dealing with a beau.  Being in my 20's, Im honestly enjoying the Single Life with all of my amazingly single (&& sexy) girls roaming all over the east coast to the midwest.  We always seem to vent about potential "Like-interest" and how we never know what guys are thinking.. But according to the rules of communication, we can and should be able to tell.. Right :/ ???. However this is NOT the case we cant always rely on these 3methods of madness aforementioned above.  So where exactly does this leave us??

Personally, Im not one to communicate crap.. i feel like id be wasting my breath and expect the male species to "JUST GET IT".. this also stems from my internal theory that guys dont have feelings... which is probably why i dont "communicate" my own. Guys can say they dont want to be in a relationship with someone but want to play house at the same time (thas another story for 1of my girls to discuss).  Then on the other side of the spectrum, theres the men who are classified as Dogs who speak the "i.love.u's" but want to be get with all your friends, and their friends too.  And this section, ladies & gentlemen, is where the mixed signals come into play which directly arouse the shaded grey region.  It would be easier if they all just kept it real... real meaning, let your actions and words align to override the basic BS that sooo many females fall for.  But according to the communication break down: "i [he] can show u better than i can tell u!"

Life Is My Runway

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Runway - noun: a  narrow ramp extending from a stage into the audience; a way along which something runs.

There is no greater runway than the path in which you pave your own life.  Strutting through life in 5"inch heels makes each obstacle nothing more than a chance for me to stand still and strike a mean pose.  Becoming an engineer was no easy task... lets just say i can put together a collage of my college years for all those poses I had to strike !  Guess it paid off.  













Never Bring an Old Broom to a New Clean House….

After {tireless} efforts of the on & off again relationship to stay or leave, I realize that *NOW* is the time for me to be single {fa’real fa’real}. Movin far far away from home (its that tha tha ROC) to the land of tall buildings, giant roaches, and congested highways, I think Ive finally reached Peace. Getting away from the routine life with constant familiar faces was the break I needed to finalize that this “break up” that magically kept getting rekindled every few months needed to be over, deaded, 86’ed, finitooo. All the break ups led me to sweep that old dust right on out the door, but I almost brought all that old dust to my new clean home – clean meaning drama free zone {WHAT WAS I THINKING!!??}


For both men & women alike, its quite easy to get wrapped up in the “I love u’s” of that person that you once fell so hard for—like there’s some type of magnetic force that yields fields much stronger than any North and South poles of even the largest magnet in the world. But as we continue down the physics of love, eventually the *LIGHT BULB* pops on.. then u yell “EUREKA!” , cuz the realization that this “greatest ex- lover” is NEVER going to change. So the same dirt pile of drama that somehow found its way into the house of love in the 585, would only replicate itself in the 215. And Im all for jet setting different area codes, but its time for this Cinderella to find a new Broom… and I got my eye on u.