Not to sound like a broken record but, there comes a time in everyone's life that growing up requires also growing out of people. The relationships that each of us experience throughout our lives (familial, platonic, or romantic) all serve a very specific purpose. Now I have always professed that once you have me as a friend, that you have me forever; I'm the type that you keep around a long time. However, I've spent the better part of the last year reshaping, growing, learning, and prioritizing my life, only to realize that many of the professed "lifelong" bonds that I thought I'd developed, were only seasonal learning experiences.
Anyone that has ever met me, knows that it takes me awhile to warm up to people. Not because I have a generally mean disposition, rather I just observe and slowly open up. Maybe the mean muggin doesn't help my plea to say that I'm not a meanie but God gave me this face and I know He appreciates the contours of it, even when I frown *giggles* (Yup! I brought it there). I digress...But yes! I observe then report instead of talking first and thinking later (in most cases). Seeing the extent to which I have been burned by opening up to the wrong people, and seeing the experiences of those around me, I think that my guarded approach works best for me. And this course of action has proved worthwhile, especially more recently.
I believe strongly that God brings people into your life for learning purposes initially. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, or otherwise, a person that comes into your life is there for a reason. Whether or not those people serve a purpose greater than learning remains always to be seen. It is up to you, though, to recognize the role that those people are meant to play. I mean, we've all probably held onto someone that God wanted us to let go of way before we actually did and maybe we were too quick to let go of someone who now means the world to us, but eventually we all need to recognize when that person has served their purpose and decision time dictates whether or not that person moves into the next stage of life with you.
Herein lies a major problem for most people. Despite their best efforts to make positive changes, they tend to hold onto the cancers that have them in the predicament they are in to begin with. Sometimes they don't realize the problem right away and other times it is a case of blatantly ignoring the obvious. However, how can you expect to get different results when you try the same approach over and over again? This question I forced myself to answer when I couldn't get things to add up, even when I tried to cheat the math.
Sooooo...once I decided to be honest with myself, things started to change; including the people who were in my life. In order to be better, I rationalized that I had to simply do better. It started with ending my engagement. Surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. With the overall attitude of "let's keep things light" that most people have now adopted, I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I found someone who provided all of the things that I lacked from my previous relationships AND he wanted to actually make an honest woman out of me by making me his wife. Hmmm...yeah. Not so much! Any who, I needed the time away from the relationship just to make sure that marriage was what I wanted. I realized I still wanted it eventually, just not with him (and the Lord blessed me by making that decision...totally dodged bullets with that one). But then I had to look at my life as a whole and figure out where my other dissatisfactions lied.
Career aspirations have been the "do it" fluid running through my veins since I was a child. While my friends played house, I played the boss who ran a boardroom. While my friends described their prince charming, I described the latest model sports car pulling into the private drive leading to the home that I bought without the help of any man. But it also hit me that I wasn't going to have any of that if I didn't get my butt into gear and seriously think about continuing my education...and that I did. Enrolled and completely lost all remnants of my social life. This also meant cutting out everyone that didn't support my decision, weren't able to understand my new time constraints, and anyone that would serve as too much of a distraction. Yet, cutting people off meant opening up doors for new people, people that knew what I was going through and were highly motivated like me.
Again, God has a season for everything, including these new motivated people that I thought would be assets to my life in the long run. Putting yourself in a different mind frame introduces you to a new kind of person. Sure, I got a lot of academic and professional motivation from them but when all was said and done, these are not the type of people I can confide in and, at best, the bonds that I formed with them were superficial. These are just my fillers, who occupy time and energy for very temporary time periods.
Then came the ones who I truly tried to form lasting bonds with. The ones that were already cool by association and that seemed to have so much in common with me...at least on the surface. The ones that I felt instantly connected to, that under possibly different circumstances would be good friends. Ultimately, the "friendships" that were formed were based on self-serving reasons and I only filled a void for these people, since all others in their lives had become exhausted of their drama.
At first, it seemed like I was losing the world around me and I couldn't explain why. But then I remembered...God was answering my prayers. I prayed to have the people around me reveal themselves...and reveal themselves they did. Was I upset that some of these people were gone or on their way out? Absolutely!!! But when I truly examined the people that were being cut out and the people that have remained, I felt at peace. Even though it meant that some of my adventures would now have to include other people, the ones that remain are some of the strongest, motivated, intelligent, caring, amazing individuals that one person could ever be blessed with. For them, I am truly thankful. So even if answered prayers can mean broken relationships, they also mean that God is watching out for you and removing the elements of your life that would only serve to stifle your potential.