Glass Ceilings: No Barrier Unbroken

Glass Ceilings: No Barrier Unbroken

I seem to find myself in the midst of very interesting company, which often leads to even more interesting conversation, 97 % of my time; Interesting being a very relative term. I work in a field that allows me to experience every walk of life: age, sex, gender, profession, socioeconomic status. You name a classification, I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with its members. With every person that I meet, there never ceases to be an opportunity to learn a unique (because the other adjectives I might use wouldn’t be PC) perspective on how the world is seen through the eyes of someone new. 

My experiences have often led to many positive, thought-invoking discussions that leave a girl like me tingling at the chance for a friendly debate. Then there are those chance encounters that leave me scratching my head at the ignorance and stupidity that others manage to live inside of each day. Today’s tete-e-tete was one of those head-scratching, dumbfounded, is he really serious encounters...

For those that haven’t figured out what lovely profession gives you the opportunity to experience the wonderful world of diversity like the one outlined at the forefront of my introduction, I work in....wait for it, wait for it...customer service. To many, customer service seems to take on the connotation of “This person is not smart enough to get a real job and, as the pretentious prick that I am, I’m going to try to make you my b!tch” *blinks twice slowly* Instead, I’ve embraced the reality that in order for me to make it doing what I really want to do in life, I can’t relegate any task related to dealing with the public as too demeaning or beneath my level of talent. In order to be a people person, you have to know how to deal with people. Granted, there are some people who are naturally adept at superficial meetings and small talk, that often leads others to believe that the person is a “people person,” however there is a science to knowing how to deal with every walk of life. This science, I get better at perfecting every day. But I am a work in progress, and as such, I am presented with new challenges to overcome in regards to learning how to deal with people.

Before I get too far offtrack, because loquacious probably should have been my middle name (*thinks to myself* maybe that’s what the “L” really stands for) let me just tell you today’s experience. The long and short of how this conversation started was a result of my not removing my work badge after I left work. A gentleman (used very loosely for the purpose of my story) asks what department I worked in to which I told him and his demeanor changes. Mind you, the intelligent conversation leading to this point gave this man no “indication” that I was “working in an entry level position” (Yes, those are direct quotes). After quickly explaining that although I may have entered the company in that department, my skills, abilities, and experiences to date left me with much more on my resume than “entry level” highlights. I toot my own horn when it comes the contributions that I have made and the experience that I have gained through my professional career thus far. The reason I do so is because I deserve the accolades. I work hard. I take initiative. I ask for responsibilities and opportunities that most wouldn’t even think about. The reason: ambition. I know that I will one day be even more accomplished because I work so hard to get the opportunities that I want.

Welllllllllll....as convinced as I am of my future success, not everyone feels the same. Even complete and total strangers; not that those opinions too much matter. The rundown of my resume only served to fuel this man’s position that I have already piqued and that, because I am a minority woman in the workplace, I should be content with my current because “it seems as if I [sic] have a pretty comfortable set up. After all, I [sic] don’t honestly expect to roll around with the big boys.” Let’s just say it took strength to not revert to lashing out at, what sounded to me like complete and total stupidity, and give this man a piece of my mind in a way that he would actually listen.

I took a deep breath and proceeded to point out to him that I’d always envisioned myself  at the head of someone’s board room, and the way things were headed, that board room would likely belong to me. Yes, you read that correctly...I will literally be an owner of that board room. Not only that but the capabilities of a woman in the workplace, especially when it comes to organization, prioritization, time/project management, and multi-tasking come second to none (Don’t debate me). And even more than that, it is usually the underestimation of a woman’s abilities in the workplace and the assumption that the “glass ceiling” will always serve as a hinderance that is the ultimate downfall to male counterparts. If the economic theory that minorities (once only referred to as minority women) won’t be able to surpass a certain level of success professionally, “glass ceiling” isn’t a very fitting term. The reason why? Glass is still a penetrable boundary. Any belief that I, or any other woman, wouldn’t be able to “roll around with the big boys” is elementary, at best. I also encouraged this man to hold fast to his belief that I have reached my peak, and my current “female appropriate” career choice was going to be where I subsequently end my career as well. His inquiring mind was a bit confused at this point. But I ended my encounter with this thought: When I shatter every preconceived notion you have about where my career will lead, I guarantee that not only will you see my name in the news BUT your future grandchildren will also be repeating my name as I am sure that my impact on society will have to be documented in what they will be reading as history books. And just in case he didn’t catch my name I repeated it...Veronica L Cooper.

Was my ending a bit dramatic? Maybe. Does that change my sentiment? Nope, not at all. I will rewrite history in my own way. It’s a good thing I was never told to aim for the ceiling because I would’ve ended up stuck. Since my ambitions are so far beyond that, in the grand scheme of things, I’m ok breaking a little glass. 

Review:: Relationship Secrets w/ Kevin Carr

  I recently attended an event that was intended to educate the female population regarding the secrets that dwell within men that us women Just Don’t Understand!  Facilitated by Kevin Carr himself, author of If Men are Dogs, then Women Hold the Leash (ifmenaredogs.com), there was a panel that offered various perspectives on relationships from “The Bachelor”, “The Committed Guy”, & “The Married Man”, along with what unintentionally became “The Educated Angry Black Woman.”  There were some key takeaways from the event but there were also some thought provoking discussions that couldn’t all fit in the hour session.  Instead of engaging in the room wide discussion, 2 girlfriends and I sat listening, thinking, soaking in what was being said while snickering our responses to one another. 

The discussion started off with a bang, Why won’t Men Commit?

The Mic was immediately passed right on down to “The Bachelor” where he gave relationships as a euphemism for yet another full time job. As if he couldn’t possibly put in 40 hours at the office and time with a significant other; I guess that’s just too much to ask nowadays. *sideEye*   With the lack of commitment until “men get their sh*t together” It seems as if men can’t compartmentalize the obligations of love life versus career.  Although it should be viewed as 2 totally separate entities  The other panelist, including KevCarr, provided some more meaningful insight with respect to men “just needing time to get where they want to be” aka men having to get their shit together.  

Ladies, Long story short – that’s just an excuse.  The panel dropped some knowledge that a man will be with you regardless of his circumstances.  As a successful woman (I define success as: career, degrees, owns car & home), I as well as other girlfriends find it more and more challenging to find someone who is compatible comparable.  The chemistry could be there and both parties could be equally into each other; but the same standards that a man wants, he is also intimidated by—which leaves a significant number of educated and career driven women in their lonesome.   What is a woman to do?  Hide her accomplishments so a man doesn’t feel belittled? Or be proud of who she is and what she has accomplished and hope that she doesn’t intimidate a potential mate?  Or sit and wait until her “I think he might be Mr. Right” comes around to commit to her?

 Another interesting question for the panel arose, Should individuals should share their “body-count”, or number of sexual partners, with each other when establishing a relationship?

It was quite intriguing to hear a man (The Committed Guy) reference that if a woman had more than 5 sexual partners than that was way too many.  This created a reaction with the audience of “Is this guy serious?”  Furthermore, there were comments made that from his Pre-Wife days, “The Married Man” admitted that some of his sexual encounters were not emotionally bonding with this reference to Vacays in Miami. (If anyone over the age of 21 been to Miami for Memorial Weekend or Spring Break knows what this man is referring to.. naked bodies & temptations everywhere.)  I digress.  But honestly, if this man was serious about 5 partners being too many then, Who does he think that these men out here are sleeping with?  As much as men objectify women, act and say they want to “hit it n quit it”, it seemed like the general consensus of the crowd was that his 5 person limit was rather prude.  Do we as women accept a man who has a significant amount of partners because he was a player, while women are required to have as few as partners as possible?  That math isn’t adding up. 

During the discussion of should the info be revealed or not, a girlfriend of mine leans over and said “That shit is just a sign of insecurity.”  But I never quite thought of it that way.  In my head, the body-count was a factor of an individual’s sexual promiscuity; to determine if he or she was a “Hoe.”  (YES I said HE.. male whores do exist!) As “The Educated Angry Black Woman” began to express her point of view I began to see this issue in a different light.  That number is personal and shouldn’t be disclosed.  The most significant part of asking that question is an issue that could be dealt with the NOW… Knowing one’s status with STDs and HIV are far more important to a relationship whether a man or woman; regardless of the aforementioned body-count.  God only gives us ONE body and ONE life to live, so being responsible with it is KEY!  

Stand for something...fall for anything

Outrage over the shooting death of an unarmed African American teenager has sparked  demonstrations across the U.S. in support of justice for Trayvon Martin. While my heart goes out to his family and friends, this weekend’s demonstration in my hometown has me shaking my head. This time, although peaceful was the tone of the proceedings, the misguided attitudes and information that motivated the support of quite a few demonstrators is puzzling. What’s that adage? Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. Well maybe it should be changed to stand for something that you are not ignorant of or you will fall for anything, including standing for causes that, with your support, have implications that you are not fully aware of. How can you say you want justice for a cause that you yourself are not educated about? How can you fight for justice for the premature ending of one human life and turn a blind eye to the same human lives that have been ended within your own community? How can you say that this is only a case of racism? Why is it that people  band together to support a cause when the perceived implications of the action are racially motivated but hate crimes committed at the hands of people of the same race go generally unnoticed, except by those who are affected personally? Why is it that support is extended to the causes that only seem to have the most salacious details?

Now, I myself marched for Trayvon and my idea of justice for him will only ever be achieved by the hands of God. I didn’t march only because I think that this case is one with only racist implications. Appearances can be deceiving and since I can’t read minds, my speculations on why someone may have been profiled for seeming suspicious behavior is irrelevant. I also didn’t only march in hopes that a man gets crucified for taking the life of another. That may sound strange, but let me explain. The buck doesn’t stop at Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon’s death, being arrested. Although an arrest in this case would leave some satisfied that his or her efforts meant something, an arrest does not guarantee conviction. Then the question of what Zimmerman would be found guilty of in a court of law is yet another pandora’s box that I shall not open today. Realistically speaking, the American justice system can be extremely unfair, to put it lightly. Although I think that if  you commit a crime that you should be punished accordingly, punishment in my opinion is not going to be achieved by any court. For this reason, I take more comfort in saying when justice is served, it won’t be at the hand of a human or a jury of someone’s peers. Therefore, public humiliation and slandering of someone’s name (and you can argue with me all you want, slander is the only thing that can be accomplished by anyone who was not there and witnessed what happened) is not my goal. I do want Trayvon’s family to find comfort. It is my belief that his killer deserves punishment. I also believe that the breakdown of the system used to investigate this shooting was abominable. Shock and disgust over how things were handled the night of the shooting are high priorities on the reason that I marched. Granted, hindsight is always 20-20 and had things been handled differently, a slew of different outcomes could have resulted. But how can one put faith in the ideology that I have freedoms that are protected by law, when those appointed to uphold it aren’t actually doing that? My standpoint on this case is more focused on the implications of what the lack of action by law enforcement can actually cause. When blind eyes are turned, how can an imperfect form of justice even attempt to be served?

 However, my experience taught me that many of the people that I walked alongside, are ignorant of the facts surrounding the case. More than anything else, there are a host of issues and offenses that have occurred throughout American history that seemingly go unnoticed daily. Profiling isn’t new. It happens everyday but why aren’t there demonstrations being held until the problem ceases? Better yet, taking another life is wrong! Most, without any form of social pyschopathy, would agree. Why do we, as a people, not dedicate more time and involvement to everybody’s lives who have been stolen? What makes this case so different if the core values of humanity should dictate that we feel something every time that something happens that would violate another individual?  

The long and short of this is there’s nothing wrong with taking a stand for your beliefs. Just make sure that you are firm on the side of the issue for which you intend to take a stand. There’s nothing worse than having your credibility stolen by that of an inquiring mind. If you fight for what you think is right, take that stand, own it, and be able to defend it. Don’t rely on your best friends uncle’s co-worker’s cousin to incite a fire in you without fully investigating facts versus hearsay.

The Eliotte Geometric Shoe in Blonde

These Shoes are thebomb.com =)

Geometric printed calf hair bootie with leather trim and front lacing; hidden 3" stacked wedge heel; rubber sole. By 80%20

The Eliotte Geometric Shoe in Blonde

Sizing: Feels true to size
Width: Feels true to width
Pros: Stylish, Comfortable
Best Uses: Travel, Casual Wear
Describe Yourself: Stylish
View On Shoes: I'm Really Into Shoes

4out of 5

I really love these shoes. I know that wedges are comfortable but these shoes are EXTREMELY Comfy and stylish. The appear to be a sneaker-type of shoe but they are in fact a bootie with a hidden wedge.  Since they look like sneakers, they will give me the appeal of looking taller -- even though i love being 5'1 -- FUN SIZE =) They are definitely head turning EVERY time i wear them. I always get compliments on my shoe game so Im excited to have this added to the collection.

What i do not like is the leather shoe string that comes untied so easily. Unfortunately, one of the strings already popped and broke off on one of the shoes. Its not the biggest deal in the world but for me to wear the shoes only 2-3 times already is quite displeasing.  Just adjusting the shoe strings to make it fit is kinda a pain in the butt. Caution:: Leather shoe laces are extremely delicate!

Corporate Girl Swag

I remember it as clear as day.  During my Junior year of college I was going to so many engineering conferences and networking my pants off.  It was my goal since 19, to get into Corporate America!  By the time I was 21 I had an internship and secured my position in a large Corporation.  *FistPump*

One thing I always told myself was never lose my sense of personal style.  From the time I was a little nina to now, Papi always encouraged me to be myself and let my personality ~*Shine*~.  Mom always taught me how to be firm and dont let the opinion of others break me.  I was never fascinated by the boring white button ups and black slacks aspect of corporate culture.  I know theres set standards of looking like a professional, but who says I cant add A Touch of Mud, to it.  Thus, i developed my own Corporate Girl Swag.  You dont have to break the bank to look like a million bucks... or look like u work at a place thats worth well over that.  I just wanted to share with you some styles I put together that are ~*ME*~while maintaining that professional touch that Corporate America requires.

Fashion Night Out

         Early this Fall a few girl friends and I thought it would be terrific to explore The Big Apple's Fashion Night Out. Living in the Tri state area, there is such easy access to many of the East Coast's amazing cities..(& Being a NYer in Philly has been a struggle as I don't really think 215ers are as stylish.. but thats for another conversation...) Planning to roll out my 215 hunnies & meeting up with a few 585ers would turn my 1st FNO experience into a memorable experience. So Away on the MegaBus we went.
        There was a helpful website < fashionsnightout.com > that helped us see what hot spots to hit up and who was giving away what Awesome Free Gifts... we all love $Free.99.  On our radar was Macys, Bloomies, BetseyJohnson & whatever other trouble we can get ourselves into.  There were multiple Celeb appearances that just made our trip that much more enticing! 

The First Stop, Macy's

Ok, so Macy's was POPPIN.COM!!!  As soon as we walked in, there was music *Bummpppiinnn'*   Of course, knowing me & my chicas, we headed straight for the shoe department... Nothing like a mean shoe game ladies!   >>Shoe-icide 24-7<<  So we find the elevator and head up to the shoe floor.  There was complete pandemonium... so shoe shopping got put on pause so to scope the scene... To our discovery, there was a fashion show going on -- hosted by Americas Next Top Model's Ms. Jay Alexander! 

*OOhhh JaCkPoT!*

Up Next.... Bloomies! 

By far Bloomingdale's had the best FNO giveaways and deals.  It definitely let the Hype of 5th Ave speak for itself.  Every level in that store had something to offer.  Even though it was crowded .. then again, so was every store, they made sure customers were leaving happy campers.  Simply walking back to the elevator from the front entrance, I was able to snag some amazing Apricot scrub that was forcefully, but respectfully, given to me.  There were free makeovers being given and perfume samples out the ying-yang.. && thats just the 1st level.  Progressing upward, we were on the hunt for FNO 2011 T-shirts (to our discovery had already been Sold Out! =/ ) But what we DID find was a booklet full of events and give-aways.  There were free manicures, hair feathering, meet n' greets, etc.  The lines for everything were not OD as they had sooo much to offer.  After being initially disappointed from our Tshirt hunt, Bloomies turned out to be great.. waiting for the elevator to exit the premises and Philly's own QuestLove (from TheRoots) steps off getting ready to host another event Bloomies was putting on.  Bloomies was definitely TheBomb.Com!! 

All fun Nights must come to an End....

Getting caught up on the excitement of 5th Ave (and being pressed on time) i had to scratch my visit for Cupcakes & Champagne at the Betsey Johnson store.. We did however explore other options.. *I mean, come on.. it was 5th Ave.. theres TONS to explore* The Lacoste store was dope! They had live models in the windows and were giving out Cotton Candy!! (im sucha big kid,  i <3 CC).  Ann Taylor had an Amazing DJ spinning some great songs... they were passing out Champagne and Dropping it like it was hot like an 90s House Party! *must say, i couldve gotten tipsy if i stayed in that store too long*.  

The last stop of the adventures ended at Sunglass Hut.  As soon as we walked in, we were greeted with a glass of Champagne.. ;) They had hair feathering which was cool.. I guess gettin there so late, i got a piece of string with no big feathers.  But Hey I was feeling Nice & FNO was winding down.  Sunglass Hut was really poppin.  Also, Victoria's Secret Model, Chanel Iman was in the building taking pictures and doing meet & greets!
Pictured at right is My BFF4L, and Hair Stylist / Fashionista / soon to be Amazing Super Mode Hazel Alexandra (@La_Hazel) got an Amazing Shot. (shes gona kill me for that)

*Special thanks to Ms.Jocelyn Jones & Hazel Alexandra for the Photos =)  thanks chicas!*

S.E.X

“People say mind over matter
But I don't mind what they say
And it don't matter

This here celibacy thing
Is working on me...”

-Jill Scott

“When I first heard it I’m like ‘ooh so she knows how the hellz I feel! Glad I’m not alone’..lol”

- Anonymous (In reference to song lyrics)

Single life offers so much freedom! When it comes down to it, you really only have yourself to worry about. The “get up and go” lifestyle suits me. Not having to answer to anyone but myself is exhilarating but I also know all of my decisions, good or bad, ultimately have to be blamed on me. However, there are fair shares of “difficulties” that become added stresses as part of the single life.

I am far from one to judge another based on their lifestyle choices (Hey live, love, get it on, keep ‘em on the chase, dive right in, keep your walls higher than a maximum security prison…whatever makes you happy). But there comes a time when responsibility and thoughts of your future start to take over and smart choices today become the foundation for what you will have in life tomorrow. SEX, or the lack of it, is one of those decisions today that could totally affect the outcome of your future.

The decision to be sexually active should be one taken with care, and not driven solely by hormonal insanity (Most of you should be able to relate). Not only is sex an emotional experience but it can be a potentially dangerous physical experience. So why is it so fun? Am I right?

With African Americans being the front runners for the number of incidence of HIV infections in the U.S., celibacy has never looked so sweet. Numbers don’t lie, and according the CDC, 46 percent of all HIV infections were accounted by African Americans at the end of 2007. African American men accounted for 65 percent of new HIV diagnoses in 2006, 6 times higher than white men and 3 times higher than Hispanic men. African American women’s rate of diagnosis was 15 times higher than white women and 4 times higher than Hispanic women in 2006. Finally, death related to the contraction of HIV was the ninth leading cause of African Americans in 2006. *Slams on breaks* Crazy right?

You always hear generic figures thrown out in conversation about how deeply affected the community is. But seeing the numbers for myself, literally, made me sick to my stomach. Why is it that almost half of all cases are accounted for by members of the community with which I identify? More than that, why did it take a dry spell for me to really research the benefits of staying sexually inactive?

Mind you, I wrap it up and get tested like I’m a hypochondriac (Despite any objections, knowing really is a beautiful thing)! I’m disease free and proud of that fact. But I’ve lucked out! If we’re being honest, yeah I’ve slipped up and thought “It’s ok. We got tested together and he’s fine” only to find out that he was fine at the time that he was tested and subsequently decided to lay down with the greater Tri-State area after the fact. So risks are always there and maybe even you have lucked out too!

The point of it all?

Next time I feel that this “celibacy thing is working on me,” I will think to myself is a temporary pleasure worth a lifetime, maybe even a shortened lifetime? What if that condom breaks? What if he gets a nose bleed or has an open cut that I don’t see in the dark? Blood could get anywhere (I know I sound paranoid but at least it’s for a good cause, right?) I mean if I were to randomly pull 100 African Americans, 46 of them would be infected with HIV. That doesn’t even measure other communicable diseases. Of those 46 people, I can’t be confident that I would be choosing an unaffected person, considering, of those 100 people, the likelihood that all 100 have been recently tested and know their status is even more diminished. Don’t believe me? A study performed by the CDC in 2010 showed that 67 percent of African American men didn’t even know they were infected until after they were offered tests. I digress…

Sooooo Ladies and Gents, maybe instead of searching for a quick let off, maybe you should just sit back and get acquainted with yourself. After researching what I have, you can be confident that you won’t be the only single, free, frustrated, horny one out there.

Signed,

Single, Free, Frustrated, and Horny