I recently attended
an event that was intended to educate the female population regarding the secrets
that dwell within men that us women Just
Don’t Understand! Facilitated by
Kevin Carr himself, author of If
Men are Dogs, then Women Hold the Leash (ifmenaredogs.com), there was a
panel that offered various perspectives on relationships from “The Bachelor”,
“The Committed Guy”, & “The Married Man”, along with what unintentionally
became “The Educated Angry Black Woman.”
There were some key takeaways from the event but there were also some
thought provoking discussions that couldn’t all fit in the hour session. Instead of engaging in the room wide
discussion, 2 girlfriends and I sat listening, thinking, soaking in what was
being said while snickering our responses to one another.
The discussion started off with a bang, Why won’t Men Commit?
The Mic was immediately passed right on down to “The
Bachelor” where he gave relationships as a euphemism for yet another full time
job. As if he couldn’t possibly put in 40 hours at the office and time with a significant other; I
guess that’s just too much to ask nowadays. *sideEye* With the
lack of commitment until “men get their sh*t together” It seems as if men can’t
compartmentalize the obligations of love life versus career. Although it should be viewed as 2 totally
separate entities The other panelist,
including KevCarr, provided some more meaningful insight with respect to men
“just needing time to get where they want to be” aka men having to get their
shit together.
Ladies, Long story short – that’s just an excuse. The panel dropped some knowledge that a man
will be with you regardless of his circumstances. As a successful woman (I define success as:
career, degrees, owns car & home), I as well as other girlfriends find it
more and more challenging to find someone who is compatible comparable. The chemistry could be there and both parties
could be equally into each other; but the same standards that a man wants, he
is also intimidated by—which leaves a significant number of educated and career
driven women in their lonesome. What is a woman to do? Hide her accomplishments so a man doesn’t feel
belittled? Or be proud of who she is and what she has accomplished and hope
that she doesn’t intimidate a potential mate? Or sit and wait until her “I think he might be
Mr. Right” comes around to commit to her?
Another interesting question for the panel arose, Should individuals should share their “body-count”, or number of sexual
partners, with each other when establishing a relationship?
It was quite intriguing to hear a man (The Committed Guy)
reference that if a woman had more than 5 sexual partners than that was way too
many. This created a reaction with the
audience of “Is this guy serious?” Furthermore, there were comments made that from
his Pre-Wife days, “The Married Man” admitted that some of his sexual
encounters were not emotionally bonding with this reference to Vacays in Miami. (If anyone over the age
of 21 been to Miami for Memorial Weekend or Spring Break knows what this man is
referring to.. naked bodies & temptations everywhere.) I digress.
But honestly, if this man was serious about 5 partners being too many
then, Who does he think that these men
out here are sleeping with? As much
as men objectify women, act and say they want to “hit it n quit it”, it seemed
like the general consensus of the crowd was that his 5 person limit was rather
prude. Do we as women accept a man who
has a significant amount of partners because he was a player, while women are
required to have as few as partners as possible? That math isn’t adding up.
During the discussion of should the info be revealed or not,
a girlfriend of mine leans over and said “That shit is just a sign of
insecurity.” But I never quite thought
of it that way. In my head, the body-count
was a factor of an individual’s sexual promiscuity; to determine if he or she
was a “Hoe.” (YES I said HE.. male whores do exist!) As “The Educated Angry
Black Woman” began to express her point of view I began to see this issue in a
different light. That number is personal
and shouldn’t be disclosed. The most
significant part of asking that question is an issue that could be dealt with
the NOW… Knowing one’s status with STDs and HIV are far more important to a
relationship whether a man or woman; regardless of the aforementioned body-count. God only gives us ONE body and ONE life to
live, so being responsible with it is KEY!
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