S.E.X

“People say mind over matter
But I don't mind what they say
And it don't matter

This here celibacy thing
Is working on me...”

-Jill Scott

“When I first heard it I’m like ‘ooh so she knows how the hellz I feel! Glad I’m not alone’..lol”

- Anonymous (In reference to song lyrics)

Single life offers so much freedom! When it comes down to it, you really only have yourself to worry about. The “get up and go” lifestyle suits me. Not having to answer to anyone but myself is exhilarating but I also know all of my decisions, good or bad, ultimately have to be blamed on me. However, there are fair shares of “difficulties” that become added stresses as part of the single life.

I am far from one to judge another based on their lifestyle choices (Hey live, love, get it on, keep ‘em on the chase, dive right in, keep your walls higher than a maximum security prison…whatever makes you happy). But there comes a time when responsibility and thoughts of your future start to take over and smart choices today become the foundation for what you will have in life tomorrow. SEX, or the lack of it, is one of those decisions today that could totally affect the outcome of your future.

The decision to be sexually active should be one taken with care, and not driven solely by hormonal insanity (Most of you should be able to relate). Not only is sex an emotional experience but it can be a potentially dangerous physical experience. So why is it so fun? Am I right?

With African Americans being the front runners for the number of incidence of HIV infections in the U.S., celibacy has never looked so sweet. Numbers don’t lie, and according the CDC, 46 percent of all HIV infections were accounted by African Americans at the end of 2007. African American men accounted for 65 percent of new HIV diagnoses in 2006, 6 times higher than white men and 3 times higher than Hispanic men. African American women’s rate of diagnosis was 15 times higher than white women and 4 times higher than Hispanic women in 2006. Finally, death related to the contraction of HIV was the ninth leading cause of African Americans in 2006. *Slams on breaks* Crazy right?

You always hear generic figures thrown out in conversation about how deeply affected the community is. But seeing the numbers for myself, literally, made me sick to my stomach. Why is it that almost half of all cases are accounted for by members of the community with which I identify? More than that, why did it take a dry spell for me to really research the benefits of staying sexually inactive?

Mind you, I wrap it up and get tested like I’m a hypochondriac (Despite any objections, knowing really is a beautiful thing)! I’m disease free and proud of that fact. But I’ve lucked out! If we’re being honest, yeah I’ve slipped up and thought “It’s ok. We got tested together and he’s fine” only to find out that he was fine at the time that he was tested and subsequently decided to lay down with the greater Tri-State area after the fact. So risks are always there and maybe even you have lucked out too!

The point of it all?

Next time I feel that this “celibacy thing is working on me,” I will think to myself is a temporary pleasure worth a lifetime, maybe even a shortened lifetime? What if that condom breaks? What if he gets a nose bleed or has an open cut that I don’t see in the dark? Blood could get anywhere (I know I sound paranoid but at least it’s for a good cause, right?) I mean if I were to randomly pull 100 African Americans, 46 of them would be infected with HIV. That doesn’t even measure other communicable diseases. Of those 46 people, I can’t be confident that I would be choosing an unaffected person, considering, of those 100 people, the likelihood that all 100 have been recently tested and know their status is even more diminished. Don’t believe me? A study performed by the CDC in 2010 showed that 67 percent of African American men didn’t even know they were infected until after they were offered tests. I digress…

Sooooo Ladies and Gents, maybe instead of searching for a quick let off, maybe you should just sit back and get acquainted with yourself. After researching what I have, you can be confident that you won’t be the only single, free, frustrated, horny one out there.

Signed,

Single, Free, Frustrated, and Horny

The Frugal Fashionista

The Economy THRIVES on us as consumers.  The more we spend the more we are putting money in other peoples pockets instead of our OWN. Now days we all need to be frugal and start Ballin on a Budget --- Its called the “DIYs” or Do It Yourself!  Being frugal is not necessarily being cheap, it’s just watching how you spend.  From pampering to home improvements there’s TONS of ways to save money if you just took the time to do it.  My engineering education taught me to get things done in the most efficient and cheapest way possible….and like they say, if you want something done right you need to do it yourself.

Sally Hansen nail decals w/ SH No Chip top coat

 Pampering- Manis and Pedis are a must to keep you looking and feeling at your best whether its showing off your summer toes or fightin for hydrated skin when Old Man Winter comes knocking.  A mani and pedi can cost anywhere from $30++.. if you go weekly that’s $120 that youre just giving away… because as you know, that nail polish only stays on for 2-3 days then chips offs.

             The frugal fashionista would find ways do this herself.  Of course we can afford to get a mani and pedi every once in a while but there’s products for you to DIY. Sally Hansen has great products that can be found at Walmart or Target.  Don’t be afraid if your not the best at first. Practice makes perfect and you’ll have plenty of pesos in ur pocket.  =)

painted by UrsTruly - 1st time too !

Home Improvements- Moving into a new home will give you so many creative ideas to work with a space for decorating.  Painters can cost at least $100+ per hour. (maybe a lil less if you know Uncle Leroy n ‘em). Chances are you’re going to have to come out of pocket to buy the supplies (that can cost u at least $100 per room) and THEN pay someone else… *side eye*

            Painting isn’t that hard as long as you passed kindergarten and stayed in the lines… oh yah and don’t spill it on the hard wood floors or carpet (but they have spill plastic lining for that).  Find a friend to lend a helping hand.  If you end up doing it alone (as in my case) use it as some much needed alone time. Once you have the finished product you’ll feel much more accomplished that you DIY and even have some extra money to show for it ;)

The Gas Prices- These gas prices just keep climbing and soaring high.  Moving to a major city has forced me to trade in my 4 wheels for public transportation for consistent travel.  I find myself paying significantly less in gas and not filling up at the pump quite often.  If you don’t have the option of using public transportation then here are a few suggestions.

            DIY – Pump your gas yourself.  There is nothing wrong with going to the “SELF” side of the pump and getting out your car (unless u live in NJ).  Its at least 10cents cheaper per gallon.  Also, pay with cash.  The signs that are generally advertised are the prices you pay with cash.  So by the time you get to the pump, you gotta add 10cents more just to use the convenience of a credit card.  Don’t let that be the same station that your too lazy to pump your own gas because you just added 20cents to the price per gallon.  *Bummer* 

Those are just a few examples of balling on a budget.  Americans are becoming more frugal as the economy is trying to recover.  CNN.com has many more tips on their daily finance website.  Follow the link below for more creative ideas.

http://www.dailyfinance.com/savings-experiment/

Fabulosity: Exceptionally Good ---- How does this translate to your life?

Being Fabulous isn’t about wearing the latest trends, having the flawless hair, perfect make up and never having a chip on your nail polish. By definition, Fabulous means

something exceptionally good or unusual; marvelous superb.

Notice NO WHERE in the definition of Fabulous does it mention anything materialistic. The most exceptionally good thing anyone can do is to give back to others; being selfLESS.  There are so many things we take for granted on a daily basis that would mean so much to others. How many times have you ladies woke up in the morning and think :: uggghhhh what am I going to do with this hair of mine??:: throw it in a messy bun or throw a cap on ; whether its your fashionably loud fedora, sun hat, or casual polo cap with leather strap.  Have you ever taken a moment to Stop & Appreciate the struggle of the wild mane that sits on top of your head?   Probably not, because we take it for granted. 

Well this summer I took fabulousity to another level.  Not just to Rock Out in fashionable maxi dresses and exotic tribal pieces that were sooo in this season; But allowed me to change my summer look while giving someone the gift of hair restoration.

10 inches of braided hair

Locks of Love is a non-profit organization that accepts hair donations for children who have medical illness (childhood cancers) that can no longer grow hair on their own.  The minimum contribution of hair donation to make a wig is 10 inches –which I decided to contribute.  Anything less than10 inches that is donated is used for profit – basically selling your hair to businesses to create wigs and weaves.  This profit from selling the shorter length donate hair helps their efforts tremendously.  You even get a thank you certificate =) 

even though they spelled my name wrong.. i get where they were goin'

So the next time you decide to complain about your hair, just be grateful that you have the struggle to deal with… otherwise, head to LocksOfLove.org and contribute your hair to a marvelous cause. Its JUST Hair & it will Grow Back!  Promise – Ive donated twice in the past 5 years. 

Before & After

 

Answered Prayers can mean Broken Relationships

Not to sound like a broken record but, there comes a time in everyone's life that growing up requires also growing out of people. The relationships that each of us experience throughout our lives (familial, platonic, or romantic) all serve a very specific purpose. Now I have always professed that once you have me as a friend, that you have me forever; I'm the type that you keep around a long time. However, I've spent the better part of the last year reshaping, growing, learning, and prioritizing my life, only to realize that many of the professed "lifelong" bonds that I thought I'd  developed, were only seasonal learning experiences. 

Anyone that has ever met me, knows that it takes me awhile to warm up to people. Not because I have a generally mean disposition, rather I just observe and slowly open up. Maybe the mean muggin doesn't help my plea to say that I'm not a meanie but God gave me this face and I know He appreciates the contours of it, even when I frown *giggles* (Yup! I brought it there). I digress...But yes! I observe then report instead of talking first and thinking later (in most cases). Seeing the extent to which I have been burned by opening up to the wrong people, and seeing the experiences of those around me, I think that my guarded approach works best for me. And this course of action has proved worthwhile, especially more recently. 

I believe strongly that God brings people into your life for learning purposes initially. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, or otherwise, a person that comes into your life is there for a reason. Whether or not those people serve a purpose greater than learning remains always to be seen. It is up to you, though, to recognize the role that those people are meant to play. I mean, we've all probably held onto someone that God wanted us to let go of way before we actually did and maybe we were too quick to let go of someone who now means the world to us, but eventually we all need to recognize when that person has served their purpose and decision time dictates whether or not that person moves into the next stage of life with you.

Herein lies a major problem for most people. Despite their best efforts to make positive changes, they tend to hold onto the cancers that have them in the predicament they are in to begin with. Sometimes they don't realize the problem right away and other times it is a case of blatantly ignoring the obvious. However, how can you expect to get different results when you try the same approach over and over again? This question I forced myself to answer when I couldn't get things to add up, even when I tried to cheat the math. 

Sooooo...once I decided to be honest with myself, things started to change; including the people who were in my life. In order to be better, I rationalized that I had to simply do better. It started with ending my engagement. Surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. With the overall attitude of "let's keep things light" that most people have now adopted, I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I found someone who provided all of the things that I lacked from my previous relationships AND he wanted to actually make an honest woman out of me by making me his wife. Hmmm...yeah. Not so much! Any who, I needed the time away from the relationship just to make sure that marriage was what I wanted. I realized I still wanted it eventually, just not with him (and the Lord blessed me by making that decision...totally dodged bullets with that one). But then I had to look at my life as a whole and figure out where my other dissatisfactions lied. 

Career aspirations have been the "do it" fluid running through my veins since I was a child. While my friends played house, I played the boss who ran a boardroom. While my friends described their prince charming, I described the latest model sports car pulling into the private drive leading to the home that I bought without the help of any man. But it also hit me that I wasn't going to have any of that if I didn't get my butt into gear and seriously think about continuing my education...and that I did. Enrolled and completely lost all remnants of my social life. This also meant cutting out everyone that didn't support my decision, weren't able to understand my new time constraints, and anyone that would serve as too much of a distraction. Yet, cutting people off meant opening up doors for new people, people that knew what I was going through and were highly motivated like me.

Again, God has a season for everything, including these new motivated people that I thought would be assets to my life in the long run. Putting yourself in a different mind frame introduces you to a new kind of person. Sure, I got a lot of academic and professional motivation from them but when all was said and done, these are not the type of people I can confide in and, at best, the bonds that I formed with them were superficial. These are just my fillers, who occupy time and energy for very temporary time periods.

Then came the ones who I truly tried to form lasting bonds with. The ones that were already cool by association and that seemed to have so much in common with me...at least on the surface. The ones that I felt instantly connected to, that under possibly different circumstances would be good friends. Ultimately, the "friendships" that were formed were based on self-serving reasons and I only filled a void for these people, since all others in their lives had become exhausted of their drama. 

At first, it seemed like I was losing the world around me and I couldn't explain why. But then I remembered...God was answering my prayers. I prayed to have the people around me reveal themselves...and reveal themselves they did. Was I upset that some of these people were gone or on their way out? Absolutely!!! But when I truly examined the people that were being cut out and the people that have remained, I felt at peace. Even though it meant that some of my adventures would now have to include other people, the ones that remain are some of the strongest, motivated, intelligent, caring, amazing individuals that one person could ever be blessed with. For them, I am truly thankful. So even if answered prayers can mean broken relationships, they also mean that God is watching out for you and removing the elements of your life that would only serve to stifle your potential. 

HEALTH ADVISORY: Top Retailers Selling Used Lingerie

Things you would never think could happen when shopping at such high-end stores.....
ALWAYS wash your new panties and under garments after purchasing them. Investigation from NBC shows stores such as Victoria's Secret, Macy's, Bloomingdales, and Gap just to name a few do not have sanitary practices.  These stores are caught on video selling used and return underwear!!

Just Take a look at this video !!! Guaranteed you will be appalled..

Click here to view the full video with details.

Summer Trends

For the summer, 2 new hot trends are out to guaranteed to bring spice to your wardrobe.  Colored Blazers and ColorBlocking are 2 techniques you can take with you anywhere.  You can have that High Fashion Look to go from Office to Happy Hour... or just look great when stepping out!!!  

Check out a few of your fave celebs in these summer trends:

 

3nd of the World?? How will you rock out

During my time on this earth there have been many threats of the end of the world.  There was the Y2K scare that had everyone thinking the Rapture as soon as the clock stroke 12:00:00 on 01.01.00 .. eeh not so much. 

 Then 09.11.01, during High School (Freshman year to be exact) there was the war on terrorism that had Americans scared shitless that the world was going to blow up.  

Now 11 years later, Im handed a pamphlet on my way home from work by a man who is convinced his holy mathematical skills got him predicting that 5.21.11 at 18:00 is exactly 7000 years from Noah's flood situation and were all doomed to damnation.  

If the world is really going to come to an End soon, then here's my playlist of self reflection 

 <3 The Icing on the cake to this sweet thing I called Life.<3

MTV Jams early in the morning would never been the same w/o this.  Nothing like expressing yourself. 

As a young girl in the 90s, Ive always wanted to be like Mariah.  Running around the house with my curls bouncing aimlessly- without a care in the world

Rule of Thumb: Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile....  basically, ill break ur heart lol, jk

This song is prime.. The popping BoyBand of the 90s and Mr.HotInHere himself.  At this point, boys no longer had cuties and we relied on MTV to show us a few dance moves for the upcoming school dances.



Being sexy and classy at the same time.  this is where timeless class comes together. *rip*

Girl Power!!!! Lesson learned: Bros before Hoes does not only apply to men... WOMEN ROCK! <3

Self Explanatory: Never let ur hard work go to waste... then again, u gotta know when to call it quits. 

He went from Sean "Puffy Combs" to Puff Daddy, Sean John Combs, P.Diddy, Diddy, Diddy/DirtyMoney now the Artist Currently known as "SwaG".. I can sooo relate with all these nicknames Ive adopted just so Im not "Maria".. But whatever else he decides to call himself he is truly THEEE MAN.. only dude in the industry that can NOT sing, dance, rap, or act yet makin millions off it. Maybe he can be "Swag Master Flash" by the time the next End of the World Scare. 

No matter how Bourgeois i am... my girls are foreverrr clowning me for my "semi-ghetto" tendencies.. what can i say?? u can take the girl out the hood but not the hood out the girl ;)